Coming on the Clouds: July 2008

I have been wanting to write this post for a while now but I have been so bad at making the time to really put my thoughts to paper, or keypad rather. So, here we go...thoughts on a dog we call Roxy.

I work in a quaint little office building in Carrollton. It sits on pretty green grass and overlooks the sweetest pond stocked fulled of turtles, ducks and a very territorial mama and daddy swan couple. It was a huge selling point when I was considering the job believe it or not. But this story is not about my office or the pond or the water fowl that flap about.

Several months ago, a construction crew started to break ground next door. There will soon be a retirement home where once there was nothing but an old fixer upper (which my heart was sad to see it's history known no more). And about that same time she started to show up. A white and black spotted stray with dirty fur, the sweetest boxy face and a very passive demeanor. She even reminded me a little of sweet Enzo. I think she must have been being fed by the motley crew next door. But over time, we started to see her more often. And slowly a deep joy began to take place whenever I saw her sweet face. And this is what happened to us all who work at Josey Rancho.

It's funny how quickly someone can become a part of your daily life...even a stray dog. How quickly she became a part of mine. If she was going to be sticking around she needed a name. We decided on Roxy. It's an amazing thing that bestowing a name on this stray dog, who won't even come near us, can almost instantly make you feel like you know her a bit better. And so, it has made me think a lot about Him. How He knows us by name. He has our names engraved on the very palm of His hands. And I can't help but wonder if by that alone, it ushers us into a deeper intimacy with Him. If just by naming us at the beginning of time, He was able to know in even a richer way. It's a sweet thought for me.

And then there's the fear that Roxy carries around with her like her Scarlett letter. I so identify with with this. She has been ever so careful to keep her distance. To make sure that no one is allowed to sneak up on her. But, slowly, she has come to know our cars. She waits under the shade tree every morning and as soon as she sees my dusty gold car pull into my front row parking spot, she stands, skips closer and her tail begins to wag as if I am the only person she's wanted to see since night fall. She comes ever so close now and whines all the way. It's like she's just bursting at the seams and wants to finally give in and say, "I want you! I want you to pet me and love me and care for me. I want to sleep with you and play with you. I want you to know me."

But she can't bring herself to do it. So, for now we have settled for this little morning dance and I am patient still. Hopeful still. So, even when she finally retreats back to her comfort zone, I love her.

Oh, and isn't that what we do? We wait and watch with great anticipation for the Lord, our God. We want to know Him, be known by Him and fall with reckless abandon and relief into His strong arms. But I, like Roxy, retreat. Too often I retreat and I settle for less because of fear. Fear being unworthy, unlovable and unaccepted.

But I love Roxy. And in her filth and crazy behavior, I find her worthy of love. For I love her presence alone. I love the joy that she brings to me in the mornings and when I it comes quitting time. I hate knowing that she wants to be close but she can't allow herself to fall with reckless abandon into my arms or care. And so, over these last few months, the Lord has whispered something like this, "Come close, child. Stop inching your way to my throne and then retreating because you have taken too much time and are now covered with fears that are not from Me. Come, be known, daughter of Mine. I love your presence alone. And I will be here for all eternity should you chose this "morning dance". And you would still bring me joy even if that is all that I had of you. For I created you, Courtney. So, may it take root, ever so slowly and powerfully, that you never have to be like her again."

Come closer to me, Roxy. Come closer to Me, Courtney.

I am a bit behind. The gang headed to the Guadalupe River on the weekend of July 11th. We had such a great time eating at the Grist Mill, floating all day, driving to San Antonio and pushing Paul around the whole River Walk in a wheelchair. He had a shell injury. Quite serious, people. I am still waiting on a few people to send me pictures...ahem, Jen and Aimee. But this will get us started...Oh, and I am aware that we are lacking pictures of the actual river. Working on it.

In attendance:
Matt Coker
Jen Long (not for long)
Crystal Delahoz
Mike Delahoz
Kelsie Fuller
Matt Shabay
Megan Barber
Mark Gregor
Aimee Gregor
Rachel Nichols
Geof Nichols
Paul Robinson
Brent Burke
JT Gale
Joanna Barber
And me!

We missed you, Paul, Brad and Larry!!