A. Very. Merry. Christmas.

I just have not been in the blogging mood lately. Typically things happen through my day that I can't wait to blog about or when I am taking long walks or hot showers I am able to come up with these elaborate stories based of the simple moments of my life. But the last few days...nothing. And it's Christmas. I mean, I feel as if I should be able to talk about all the awesome food, the gifts and jolly-good times with friends and family but it all just seems like blah story-telling at the moment. But in fairness to my one loyal fan (you know who you are), I am committed to keeping up my blogging ritual.

Today was a very Merry Christmas for the Coker family. We all got more than we needed and Matt and I were able to surprise my mom with new pictures of her prized positions - us. They turned out really well, aside from the picture where my chest looks crumpled and well, gross for lack of a better word. Now I am forced to convince everyone that I have not been in a tanning bed since I was two years old. I do feel the need to tell my photographer about a little program called Photoshop. It might come in handy for moments like this.

We headed over to The Gale's house this afternoon to visit with them and the Herzog family. It was great seeing Peg and Gary. It is just so hard to believe that it will be a year in February since Nate has been gone. It's hard to think that this was the first year for the Herzog's to be without their son on Christmas. And what's worse, that it won't be the last. We all enjoyed each other and laughed a lot, however, I think sometimes the laughter feels more comfortable than the overwhelming sadness that lurks just beyond the surface. The kind of laughter that sounds loud and joyous but feels oh so slightly forced. I wanted to tell Peggy that I had been thinking of Nate a lot lately and that I hurt for them so much during this time but I was just afraid that my one comment might cause the floodgates to come down and ruin any chance of them having a "normal" Christmas. Yeah right, nothing about it is normal. And the fact that ours is normal just stings and causes me to carry this guilt that I know I don't have to carry. But even still, I deeply grieve their loss (and ours of course).

Granny spent yesterday evening with us and she was in rare form. I think that most of you know that she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's this year and is losing more of her memory all of the time. But as her memory flees, her joy comes out to play (Psalm 30:5). She laughs and jokes and it is beyond precious to me. She enjoyed two glasses of Merlot last night and it was just enough to get her really tickled at just about everything. She loved celebrating Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day and she loved going home to her comfort zone at the end of the night. I soaked up her laughter and I hope that I can call on that for a long time to come when her days of laughter are also gone. She is such a strong woman who has endured so much loss in her life. I admire her strength and ability to carry on in spite of many sad circumstances along the way. She kept saying over and over last night that she never expected to get 80 years old and have such a good life. She also often talks about how she always wished to grow old with grace. I do so hope that she receives this prayer.

Being at my parent's this weekend has been hard when it comes to the TV factor. I am wanting to watch whatever is on. It does not matter what it is, The Dog Whisperer, the Presidential campaigns, even basketball. It matters not, I just want to be in front of it. Only ten more days to go. And I hope that I spend ten more days wisely, seeking God.

Enzo hates my parent's home. He escaped yesterday out the back door and I went running through our backyard barefoot and in my pajama's to try and avoid another MacArthur/Beltline incident. I think my screaming scared him enough to make him sprint to the front door in retreat. Another one of those moments that I wish I could see myself on video.

Well, that's all I got. Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOODNIGHT!